


Benrey Martial Cringe Moments

by Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Aliens, Benrey and Tommy are basically in a QPR but they use alien words for it, Benrey and Tommy both have unspecified powers, Black Mesa Sweet Voice, Bubby Coomer and Joshua are mentioned but it's too small to tag them, Character Study, Established Relationship, M/M, Married Couple, Miscommunication, Not A Game AU, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Canon, i guess?, sorry actual half life fans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28227477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat/pseuds/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat
Summary: “fucking, uh… pretty fucking cringe to ask out a bro who’s already got a ring on it,” he finally said. Benrey decided that his life was going to be a never ending curse after this. As if it wasn’t already.“Um… what?” Gordon asked. He was clearly in disbelief. Not that he didn’t believe what Benrey was saying, just that he was too shocked by it to process it as being real. “What, you’re telling me that in the two years you’ve been up here, you’ve met someone, and none of us have met them once?”“huh? yeah, no. not really my style.” Benrey shrugged, and he knew he was only making all this worse. “i have a ring on it, man. like... married and all that shit.”“What?!?” Gordon shouted
Relationships: Benrey & Tommy Coolatta, Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta & The G-Man
Comments: 24
Kudos: 160





	Benrey Martial Cringe Moments

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first work in this fandom, so sorry if the characters aren't completely on point, especially Gordon. I am still puzzling him out. Also! I really tried to avoid the narrative of "love makes an alien character human" because, as an aro-spec person, I HATE that trope. I think I did pretty good avoiding it though, so I'm happy with that! I hope you enjoy my bullshit oasnfosiandf

Benrey liked to think he knew where he stood with everyone in their little group. He’d had plenty of time to figure it out since Black Mesa was almost two years ago now. Besides, robbing two banks, a casino, and The White House really solidifies where you stand with a group of people. 

Bubby had been the last to trust him. Bubby didn’t have to be bad, not in the way Benrey had had to be. Benrey had tricked him into being bad, and he didn’t like that. Benrey was pretty sure that Bubby wasn’t good, but he wasn’t bad. Somewhere in the middle. Most people seemed to be that way, honestly. Benrey had found it easy to make Gordon out to be the real bad guy to him, so he’d been the one to help with the whole arm incident. But because Bubby wasn’t supposed to be bad, it made him mad at Benrey for a long time that he’d tricked him. His pride about being “the ultimate lifeform” being hurt by admitting that Benrey had tricked him with pretty words and no alien powers at all made it harder for Benrey to win his forgiveness too, at least fully. But the third time they burnt a building down together, Bubby had thrown his arm around Benrey’s shoulders while they stood back and watched, and it had all been okay from there.

Dr. Coomer was a little more forgiving, just in general. It had still taken him a while to come around, but considering Benrey didn’t stop coming over when Tommy did, it seemed that Dr. Coomer hadn’t had much of a choice. Or, well, it seemed that he more became used to Benrey rather than forgiving him in an official way. After a couple months of glaring from the old man, Benrey was sat down listening to him rattle off random wikipedia articles just like everyone else. Years of listening to Tommy talk him through OSHA guidelines had prepared him for this.

Speaking of Tommy…

Ultimate bro. Number one bud. Benrey’s little pogchamp. He’d hugged Benrey tightly the first time he’d shown up again after everything at Black Mesa and Xen, and had started crying into his shoulder. Benrey just cried into his chest and let out more sweet voice than he knew he had in him. Tommy let out a lot too, a whole lot. It was impossible to put into human words what it had all meant. Not even the best poet in the world could find rhymes for them all. Benrey was really glad that the two of them had met up at Tommy’s dad’s place instead of somewhere in front of the others.

Tommy’s dad had just nodded at him in that weird way he had, that held the meaning of “don’t fuck up again, especially with my son,” and that was the end of it for the two of them. Darnold didn’t really know him or what all went down, but he and Tommy hung out sometimes, so he just sort of accepted that Benrey had made mistakes but felt bad about them and was trying to be better, and that it was all okay.

So, yeah, Benrey knew where he stood with their little group.

Except… the big man himself. The guy that had led everyone out of Black Mesa, out of Xen, and sat through a birthday party when all he wanted to do was go home to his son and sleep for years. The guy who had helped them all get settled into a world that they hadn’t seen in years (or ever, in Bubby’s case). The guy who hated Benrey’s guts from day one.

The one, the only…

Gordon Freeman.

Benrey wasn’t sure why he had stopped the guy that day. As much as he knew about the universe and short term amounts of the future, he didn’t have any particular reason to stop Gordon. He was wearing the HEV suit, he clearly didn’t need to provide identification, especially not a passport (which was something that Benrey made up on the spot, but Tommy found so funny that he made it reality). He didn’t know why he felt like he had to follow Gordon into the test chamber, or why he had to say that Gordon would steal things when Benrey hadn’t even known him before that day. He didn’t know why he’d assumed that he and Gordon were friends, best friends even. He didn’t know why he continued to torment Gordon throughout Black Mesa. Tommy had shot him a lot of weird glances throughout the whole thing, but Benrey couldn’t decipher them, something not uncommon for anyone else but Tommy. Benrey didn’t know a lot of the reasons he did things around Gordon, even now, after Black Mesa and Xen. He’d float around Gordon in circles, just to annoy him, or he’d pull small, harmless pranks that made Gordon really mad (a banana peel at the top of the stairs was fine, right?).

But there was other stuff too, stuff that didn’t make Gordon upset. Benrey would play cowboys with Joshua, and Gordon would smile at them both and it made his face cold. He’d play games with Gordon, and he’d actually go at a pace that Gordon could keep up with instead of his usual breakneck speeds or glitching through everything. He’d do the dishes on one of the Science Team’s dinner nights without being asked, because it made Gordon smile at him and thank him. He would sing sweet voice if Gordon was panicking, he would curl up next to Gordon on the couch during movie nights, he even had a couple of Gordon’s hoodies that he’d stolen.

Benrey had no idea why he did any of that, he just knew he liked it and that it felt right. Until, all of a sudden, it didn’t.

“I just… I just wanted to ask if you’d want to go out sometime? Like… to dinner. As a, uh… as a date,” was what Gordon said that set Benrey down this long trail of thinking. Gordon was still biting his lip, looking very nervous about whatever Benrey’s response was going to be. Benrey could only stare at him, until Gordon cleared his throat. “You, uh… you back in the realm of the living?” He joked awkwardly.

Benrey nodded. He racked his brain for something to say. He was really trying, he really was. He didn’t want this to be bad, he didn’t want to fuck this up by saying his usual, weird gamer shit.

“fucking, uh… pretty fucking cringe to ask out a bro who’s already got a ring on it,” he finally said. Benrey decided that his life was going to be a never ending curse after this. As if it wasn’t already.

“Um… what?” Gordon asked. He was clearly in disbelief. Not that he didn’t believe what Benrey was saying, just that he was too shocked by it to process it as being real. “What, you’re telling me that in the two years you’ve been up here, you’ve met someone, and none of us have met them once?” 

“huh? yeah, no. not really my style.” Benrey shrugged, and he knew he was only making all this worse. “i have a ring on it, man. like... married and all that shit.”

“What?!?” Gordon shouted. Benrey winced, and Gordon lowered his volume again, but he still sounded exasperated, and even a little upset. “You’re married? How long have you been married?”

Benrey was quiet for a moment, just thinking. “uh... probably, like… fourteen years,” he finally said. “i dunno, i get so turned around with this shit. and we don’t make a big deal out of it or anything, so…” he shrugged again.

Gordon just looked mad now. “You’re just fucking with me now, aren’t you?” He accused. “You don’t even have a ring or anything.”

“don’t like how they feel,” Benrey said, completely honestly.

“Then… then what was the deal with kissing me back in Black Mesa?” Gordon asked. He was looking more and more upset, and it was making Benrey feel sick.

“i... i don’t know,” Benrey finally admitted. “i just kinda… it felt right.” He wasn’t sure how else he was supposed to explain it.

“So you kissed me, while you have a spouse, because it ‘felt right’?” Gordon asked. “If it felt that right, maybe you two should get a divorce!”

Benrey didn’t realize that he was growling until Gordon was backing up slightly. “i made a promise,” Benrey said, “and i’m gonna fucking keep it.”

Gordon just stared at him for a long moment, before asking, “what happened to them?”

“huh?” Benrey asked.

“I mean… you haven’t gone home to anyone, right? So they had to be in Black Mesa, and pretty much everyone there died. I know you’re, like, some kind of fucked up alien or something, but you seem pretty committed. You would’ve grieved at least a little!”

Benrey bit his lip, careful of his sharp teeth. “look, man, i haven’t talked to him about… about sharing and stuff. his dad asked him to be all quiet about it cuz-”

“Oh my god, it’s Tommy.” Benrey snapped his eyes up to Gordon, who looked like he was going to collapse, or throw up, or both. “You’re married to Tommy. That’s why you guys live together now.” Benrey tried to say something, but all that came out was a burst of sweet voice. It was one that Gordon had known about for a long time, so Benrey couldn’t even deny whatever he thought it meant. Baby blue means “that’s true”. Gordon looked up at the sweet voice, and then back at Benrey. Benrey still couldn’t get his normal voice to work, so he just stared back. “I have to go,” Gordon finally mumbled. “I need to pick up Joshie from school.”

“isn’t it Saturday?” Benrey asked.

“Bye,” was all Gordon said before he was out the door. He slammed it behind him, and Benrey hoped it was an accident.

Benrey hopped off the back of the couch and looked around. This was his and Tommy’s place. It was great. He didn’t want it to be any different. He didn’t want anything about him and Tommy to be different. He wanted things with Gordon to be different. He just didn’t understand what he wanted. He started growling again, and realized that he needed Tommy and Sunkist to be home Right Now. Possibly even Yesterday.

You: Tommy, I need you to come home.

Tommy <3 : oh no, is everything okay? ( ；´Д｀)

You: I’m using proper grammar and shit. Doesn’t that always mean there’s something wrong?

Tommy <3 : Say no more.

Benrey was just about to launch into their usual text argument about how he technically hadn’t said anything, when Tommy dropped into the space next to him, only a small flash of green and a tiny bit of static electricity giving away the fact that he’d teleported here. He didn’t get to say anything before Benrey was turning to bury his face in Tommy’s chest. “O-oh!” Tommy said in surprise. He was used to it though, and quickly hugged Benrey back. “You were supposed… what happened?” He asked.

“gordos feetman was here,” Benrey mumbled.

“Yeah, I-I remember. You told me that you two were going to be hanging… you were going to be gaming,” Tommy replied. 

“he asked me out,” Benrey said quietly.

Tommy scooped him up quickly and carried him straight to their bedroom. Sunkist was on his heels, and Benrey was thankful for her. He was thankful for Tommy. He was thankful for everything he had right now, but he felt bad because he wanted even more. Tommy carefully set him on their bed, and grabbed their weighted blanket from under it. He wrapped it around Benrey’s shoulders, and Benrey grabbed the edges to pull them to his chest. Tommy looked him up and down for a moment, before letting out a bit of sweet voice. There was no need to rhyme it, not when no one else was here, so Benrey just confirmed that he wanted to talk about it with his normal voice. Tommy sat on the bed next to him, but didn’t touch him, not yet. Instead, he patted the small spot between their laps, so Sunkist knew it was okay to jump up and lay across the two of them. Benrey instantly sunk his fingers into her fur, and she licked his other hand gently. 

“What happened?” Tommy asked quietly.

“I don’t really know,” Benrey replied. Tommy seemed shocked by the fact that he’d dropped his whole facade, but he recovered quickly and gestured for Benrey to keep going. “I… I told him we’re married. So… I guess that’s out there now. Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Tommy said. “My dad gave up on his bosses not finding out ages… a long time ago. He doesn’t care if we tell people anymore, and Gordon would probably only tell Dr. Coomer and Bubby anyway.”

Benrey nodded and was quiet for a moment. He bit his lip again, still careful of his sharp teeth. “Uh…” he finally mumbled, “I didn’t know what else to say. He just asked a bunch of questions to figure out who I was married to. I didn't tell him it was you, at first.” Tommy nodded, but waited for Benrey to continue. “He got really mad. But then he got really sad. He said we should get a divroce. That was before he knew it was you, though.” Benrey was bearing his teeth at just thinking about splitting from Tommy.

“W-why’d he say that?” Tommy asked. He was trying not to sound angry, but Benrey knew him too well to fall for it.

“He said if kissing him and stuff felt right, then I should divorce you.”

“G-Gordon Freeman Cringe Compilation,” Tommy said. “Doesn’t even know what a polyamourus relationship is.”

“Well, I can’t have one,” Benrey reminded Tommy. “Not like that, anyways.”

Benrey’s species, whatever the hell you wanted to call it, needed a mate by the time they reached a certain age. After that age, you were supposed to be dependent on your mate, not your parents, otherwise your parents would eat you. While Benrey was on Earth and not Xen when he hit the minimum requirement, it still set him on edge. Uncontrollably so. He attacked anyone who looked at him funny, which almost lost him his security guard job. He avoided people, afraid of what they might do when they found out he didn’t have a mate. He didn’t want anyone to pity him and step up to the plate either. That didn’t happen on Xen, but humans were weird like that, with their pity and sympathy. At least, some of them. And, as much as Benrey liked that about them, it wasn’t what he wanted, or needed.

When Tommy had sought him out a month after when he was supposed to have a mate (which was only a couple weeks in Xen time), he’d been at his wits end. Tommy had calmed him down as best as he could with a mix of human words and sweet voice. He’d asked Benrey what was wrong, and when Benrey didn’t explain and burst into tears instead, he teleported them both to Tommy’s dad’s house right away. His dad had actually been home at the time, which would have been embarrassing if it weren’t for the fact that Benrey was too distressed to be embarrassed (and maybe because Mr. Coolatta had seen him like this before, but he’d never admit that). Tommy had asked his dad to check and see if there was anything wrong with Benrey on a physical level, and that’s when it clicked in Benrey’s head.

Tommy was nice. Tommy took care of him. Tommy wasn’t human.

Tommy would be the perfect mate.

Benrey had blurted it out before either of the Coolattas had even been able to make any decisions about Benrey or his health. Tommy had gone bright red and asked where this was coming from, while Mr. Coolatta looked between the two of them with suspicion. It had taken a lot of time for Benrey to explain it all, especially since parts of it didn’t even have human words, and Mr. Coolatta had never gotten the hang of the more complex parts of sweet voice. Tommy was quiet and thoughtful for a very long time. He eventually took a deep breath and said something that Benrey would never forget.

“I love you, Benrey. And… and if this will make you happy, I’ll gladly do… I’ll gladly go through with it.”

There were a lot of long conversations between the two of them before it became official. About whether Tommy understood what exactly this all meant, whether Tommy was one hundred percent on board and wasn’t just doing it for Benrey, whether Tommy was really ready for something like this (he was so young in human terms). The only question for Benrey that stuck out to him was if being mates was anything like human romance. Benrey had replied with a “kinda” and a shrug, which wasn’t good enough for Tommy. When Benrey explained that, while it was similar, the attraction wasn’t the same, Tommy looked relieved. Benrey was honestly a little glad that Tommy didn’t like him romantically. He didn’t know what he would have done if Tommy was trying to actually have a relationship with him, a human one anyways.

“-rey?” Benrey jumped when he heard Tommy’s voice again. “Earth to Benrey? Are you, uh, okay?”

“Yeah,” Benrey replied. “Sorry. Got lost in… in my settings.”

“Okay, well… I just wanted to ask you a question,” Tommy said.

“Shoot,” Benrey replied.

“It’s… it’s a big one, okay? Just so you… so you’re aware.”

“Just ask me the stupid question,” Benrey replied, much sharper than he meant to.

“You said a long time ago, when we became mates, that you couldn’t feel romantic attraction, right?” Benrey nodded. “Are you sure? Cuz… cuz maybe you can. Maybe you do like Mr. Freeman! And you want him to be your boyfriend!”

Benrey stared at Tommy for a long moment. Did he? That didn’t make sense. Benrey wasn’t human. He didn’t feel things like human attraction. He didn’t feel things like humans did. Then again… Tommy had explained that some humans were like that. That they didn’t feel the attraction that everyone had decided was “normal”. Benrey had tried out aromantic as a sort of label, but after being given so many labels by so many different scientists, he didn’t like them anymore and scrapped it. But… but maybe he should have scrapped it in a more thorough way? He wasn’t human, he wasn’t. Could he really love like humans did?

“Benrey?” Tommy asked quietly. Benrey looked up, and realized that there were swirls of sweet voice in the air, giving everything he’d just been thinking away. “Do… Do you want to go to Taco Bell? I can get you a Baja Blast.”

It was a distraction, sure. Tommy used it all the time. But Benrey felt like he could use a little break from all the thoughts swirling around in his mind, so he nodded. “yeah,” he replied. “that sounds pretty epic right now.”

Tommy smiled brightly at him, even though he liked Benrey’s “real” talking better than the weird gamer talk. The gamer talk at least meant that he was feeling a little normal again. “Okay! Do you want to get your big hoodie? I don’t think… I don’t think the weighted blanket will fit in the car…”

“yeah, that sounds good,” Benrey replied. He patted Sunkist’s head gently, and she hopped off the bed. He shuffled over to their closet and pulled out one of Tommy’s old college sweatshirts. He always smiled at the emblem on the front. Tommy went to Harvard, so anyone who didn’t think he was smart could stuff it. It was way too big for Benrey, even to this day, but it was heavy, and it smelled like Tommy, so it made him happier than any of his hoodies did, no matter how heavy they might be. Tommy chuckled from behind him, and Benrey rolled his eyes, even if Tommy couldn’t see it. “yeah, yeah, shut up. your stupid clothes are comfy.”

“I’m glad,” Tommy replied. He leaned down and kissed Benrey’s cheek, before taking his hand and leading him out of the house. “Do you want any food while we’re there?”

“just the Baja Blast,” Benrey said.

“Ooh, Baja Blast gets the capitals treatment,” Tommy said, sounding impressed.

“it’d get the trademark thingy too, but i’m still figuring out how to do that one,” Benrey said.

Tommy nodded as he climbed into the driver’s side of the car. Benrey climbed into the passenger seat, and patted the seat gently. It made a good sound, and it made his hands happy. “Taco Baco?” Tommy asked.

“Kurger Burger,” Benrey replied.

They sat in silence for the ride, and Benrey grabbed one of the tangles that Tommy kept in his glove box to mess with. The silence wasn’t awkward, it never was between the two of them, but it did leave Benrey without a distraction. The drive through was unusually short, and Benrey vaguely wondered if Tommy had done that, before there was a large Baja Blast Freeze was being thrust into his hands. He took it and held it carefully while Tommy pulled out of the Taco Bell parking lot. “why’d you get a freeze?”

“Because you had a hard day!” Tommy said. “And you deserve to have… you deserve two Baja Blasts!” Tommy held up the nonfrozen drink with one hand while the other stayed on the wheel.

“i fucking love you,” Benrey said. 

Tommy laughed. “I love you too!” He said.

That got Benrey thinking again. There wasn’t any particular ceremony or anything to becoming mates, but Tommy had asked if they could have one. Benrey wasn’t really sure what to do, so he just took Tommy to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate. It was fun for them both, so why not? 

But, a few years later, Tommy suggested getting married. Like, human married.

It had freaked Benrey out a lot, because he was scared that Tommy was trying to trap him in some sort of human romance. Tommy quickly assured him that that wasn’t the case. He explained that sometimes people got married to people who they weren’t in love with romantically. Benrey remembered that being the plot point of a lot of movies, so he asked Tommy if he didn’t love him. Tommy had hugged him tightly and told him that he did, very much.

He explained further that it was because hospitals would only let family into rooms if there was a serious accident, and because it made taxes easier, and a couple other reasons that Benrey hadn’t fully understood. He brought up the fact that they weren’t human, so they wouldn’t have to worry about taxes, or about being in accidents serious enough for the hospital. Tommy had laughed, but it was sad, and then told Benrey to forget it, that it was silly anyways. Benrey tried to approach Tommy about it multiple times, but he always shut Benrey down, or brushed it off, even though it was his idea in the first place, and he definitely still wanted to. So Benrey did the only thing he could think to do.

Talking one on one with Mr. Coolatta was not something Benrey had done in a long time. Mr. Coolatta didn’t like him very much, he could tell. He didn’t understand why at the time, but he did now. Mr. Coolatta saw a lot about the future, especially the Black Mesa incident. He didn’t know that it would all turn out okay (for Tommy and Benrey, at least), but he knew that Benrey and Tommy would both be involved. Still, he wanted nothing more than Tommy to be happy, and anyone could see that. So, he’d explained to Benrey that Tommy had wanted to get married ever since he was little. He explained that Tommy saw it as a very big deal, even more so than humans did. Tommy was very socially human, although not in a traditional sense. Mr. Coolatta explained to Benrey that Tommy was afraid to fall in love because he didn’t want to lose anyone because of the time frame of their life, but now that he had Benrey, who would live just as long as him, if not longer, he was so excited to get married. Benrey asked about why Tommy had brought up the other things instead of just saying that.

Mr. Coolatta had smiled in a strange way, and said, “Thomas is not as simple as people think. He uses hidden meanings all the time. You just have to look out for them.”

Mr. Coolatta turned out to be very invested in their wedding. For some reason, all the thoughts and suspicions about Benrey being bad for Tommy were thrown out the window now that there was a wedding that would soon be underway. Mr. Coolatta explained to Benrey, years later, that he trusted Tommy’s judgement more than his own. He helped Benrey pick out a ring to propose with and everything. It was a fun one that had a spinning mechanism, something that Tommy could stim with whenever he wanted.

Tommy said yes, of course. He jumped straight into Benrey’s arms and covered his face with kisses, and Benrey couldn’t help laughing. They both let out a variety of sweet voice colors, all of them excited and happy. The wedding was grand, although it was small. Benrey almost got cold feet, but he gave himself a gamer pep talk (he was only just beginning to discover the gaming side of the internet), and was ready. Mr. Coolatta walked Tommy down the aisle, and officiated. Sunkist was Tommy’s best man, and Benrey’s friend Josh managed to get the day off from GameStop to show up and be Benrey’s best man. The witnesses were any scientist that Mr. Coolatta had managed to convince to come. He hadn’t threatened anyone upon Tommy’s request, but not many of them were enthusiastic either.

That was the only time they’d ever kissed on the lips. They’d both liked it, and talked about doing it more often, but there was something about it in that moment that was too perfect to even try and replicate. The reception was a little boring, but that was quickly solved when Benrey recruited a couple of the scientists to rob a bank with him and (a very reluctant) Tommy.

Something dawned on Benrey when Tommy pulled into their driveway.

“Coomer and Bubby were at our wedding,” he said.

Tommy was frozen and silent for a moment, before he sat back against the seat more. “They… they were, huh?” He said.

“foreshadowing…” Benrey said in his best fake scary voice.

Tommy laughed. “W-well, we at least don’t have to worry about… we don’t have to think of how to break the news,” he said.

“or Feetman telling them,” Benrey said. He felt his stomach sink again. “i really messed up…”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Tommy asked. “More than you already… more than we did before, I mean.”

“yeah, i guess,” Benrey mumbled. He took a deep breath and glanced around the car, almost like he was double checking no one else was there. “I think you might be right,” he said. “I think I might love Gordon.”

Tommy nodded. “What didn’t you think that before?” He asked.

“I’m not human,” Benrey replied. “I just… I didn’t think I could love, y’know?” He saw a hurt expression flash across Tommy’s face, and he quickly took his hand. “C’mon, man, you know I love you. I’m talking about a different kind.”

Tommy smiled and squeezed Benrey’s hand. “If you can love me like that, why did you think you couldn’t love Gordon romantically?”

“I… I just don’t know!” Benrey yelled, frustrated. “Love wasn’t a thing on Xen, you just made connections so you didn’t die! I wasn’t supposed to love my mate, but you’re just so damn great I couldn’t help it! And… and I thought that was it, y’know? I had a mate, I fell in love, but it was okay cuz you’re my mate and that’s just how humans do it. Even if it’s a little different…” Tommy squeezed Benrey’s hand again, and Benrey realized he was crying. “I don’t want to be a human. I don’t like the idea of it. I want to be whatever weird species I am. Or was. Or was supposed to be.” He broke down in tears, and Tommy held his hand tightly.

He reached out and carefully wiped away some of Benrey’s tears, getting the weird sticky feeling from his tears on his fingers. He didn’t like it, and he could deal with it for Benrey. “Why don’t you just be… be Benrey?” He asked. Benrey turned to look at him, clearly confused. “I mean, you were… you grew up on Xen. And you’re… something. We don’t know. B-but you’ve lived here for a… a very long time! So you’ve picked up human stuff! So maybe you aren’t really… maybe you’re just you! You can just be Benrey. You don’t have to be anything else.” Tommy chuckled quietly. “B-besides, you hate labels anyway.”

Benrey was quiet for a moment, before he nodded. “yeah, okay,” he finally said. “i like that. Benrey, the Ultimate Gamer. that’s me.” He grinned at Tommy. “that’s my species. Gamer.”

Tommy laughed and punched Benrey’s shoulder affectionately. “Shut up and eat your Baja Blast Freeze before it melts.”

Benrey yelped and started sucking down the slushie, while Tommy laughed harder.

* * *

Benrey was shifting his weight between his feet as he stared at Gordon’s door. He was messing with his tangle, and his hands were going a mile a minute. He wished that he could just sing a bunch of sweet voice and run for the hills, but Tommy said that he had to have a serious conversation with Gordon in a way they could both understand. He was just raising his fist to knock on the door, when it opened.

Gordon’s sleep tired eyes could just barely focus on Benrey since he still wasn’t wearing his glasses. He was only wearing sweatpants, and Benrey couldn’t help his face getting colder at seeing Gordon’s bare chest. Gordon finally seemed to figure out who Benrey was, and he glared at him. “Seriously, dude? It’s, like, five am. On Sunday. What’re you doing at my door?” He sounded grouchy, but not actually upset.

“what’re you doing up, Feetman?” Benrey asked. “little, uh, little sleepy boy? up too early? did you, uh, stay up all night? didn’t go to sleep at your bedtime?”

“Benrey, what the fuck do you want?” Gordon asked, actually mad this time. “And, for your information, I was going to get the paper.”

“newspapers are a dying artform,” Benrey said.

“You got that from Coomer, didn’t you?” Gordon asked. Benrey just smacked his lips, because Gordon was probably right. “I get the Sunday one because Josh likes to read the comics.”

“is his favorite Garfield? cuz otherwise, he has no taste,” Benrey asked.

“Why are you here?” Gordon shouted, obviously done with Benrey’s shit.

“We need to talk,” Benrey replied. Gordon’s eyes widened, and he stared at Benrey for a long moment. Benrey hadn’t used his “real” voice with Gordon before, not even during his epic boss fight. It was a voice reserved for Tommy and Tommy only. Not even Mr. Coolatta got to hear it (unless he was in earshot when Benrey used it with Tommy). Benrey just kept looking at Gordon, until he eventually stepped aside to let Benrey in. “Thank you,” Benrey said.

The inside of Gordon’s house was exactly like it had been last time Benrey had visited, which was last week for the Science Team’s monthly trivia night. There hadn’t been any bloodshed that night, thankfully, but it came close. It always came close. One thing that Benrey did notice was that Joshua was nowhere in sight. Gordon seemed to pick up on his confusion, because he answered Benrey’s question before he could ask it. “Joshie’s still asleep. It’s five in the morning, what else do you expect from a seven year old? He already has to get up earlier than he should for school.”

“School sucks,” Benrey said, as if he had any idea what it was like.

“You said it,” Gordon replied. He went to sit on the couch, but Benrey didn’t follow him. Gordon rolled his eyes and patted the spot next to him. “C’mon, I bought the huge couch for all of us. You might as well use it.”

“Right. Yeah. Sorry,” Benrey replied. He sat on the opposite side of the couch, very awkwardly. “So… uh…”

“This is about yesterday, isn’t it?” Gordon asked. Benrey didn’t get a chance to respond, or even to nod, before Gordon was talking more. “I wouldn't have asked if I had known you and Tommy were together. And I definitely wouldn’t have said you guys should get divorced. Even if it wasn’t Tommy, that was a super dick move.” Benrey just nodded. It really was. “I’m sorry, man. I just… I hope we can still be… friends? Whatever the hell you’d want to call our fucked up dynamic.” Gordon chuckled, but he sounded like he was holding back tears.

“Gordon,” Benrey started, definitely getting Gordon’s attention by using his actual first name, “I had a big talk with Tommy. About a lot of stuff. I mean, I… we aren’t married. We are! I didn’t lie or anything, but, like…” Benrey took a deep breath, and began to mess with the tangle again. “It’s an alien thing. Tommy’s my mate. And it isn’t that weird gross thing that you guys get your fetishes about.” Benrey stuck his tongue out in disgust, and Gordon laughed. “Mates are supposed to look out for each other. It was the closest thing we had to romance an Xen. Well, your version of romance. And…” Benrey balled his fist and almost snapped the tangle in half. “I thought I couldn’t feel your version of romance. I mean, I’m an alien and all. It’s, like… I’m fucked in the head when it comes to a lot of your social stuff. And Tommy’s been taking me to a therapist lately, and she’s been talking about some other stuff that might not be helping, but…” Benrey trailed off awkwardly.

“So… you and Tommy aren’t…” Gordon started to ask, before he stopped. “Man, I have no idea how to word this.”

Benrey laughed. “You’re telling me,” he replied. “Tommy and I… we aren’t dating. Not like…” Benrey groaned. “I don’t know! We don’t kiss! We don’t fuck! We’re married, but it’s just to take care of each other, and has jackshit to do with any of your disgusting romance!” He put his face in his hands and made his loud “BBBBB” noise. It calmed him down a little, and he moved his hands away from his face. He thought for a long moment about what to say, but it tumbled out without his permission. “I think I love you,” he said, and a trail of sweet voice came out with the words. It was a weird mix of a lot of colors, something that didn’t quite have a human equivalent, but just might if Benrey could look through every word in every language. 

Gordon sat stock still for a few moments, before he laughed again. He was definitely crying now, and Benrey let out more sweet voice. Brown like a deer means “I’m in fear”. Gordon stopped laughing after a moment, but he didn’t stop smiling, and it made Benrey’s face cold and his stomach drop funny. “You just called romance disgusting!” Gordon said.

Benrey chuckled. “Yeah, uh… I dunno. I’m still getting used to, like… actually using all this human stuff.” He shrugged. “It’s a lot. Major culture shock, even though it’s been twenty-nine years.”

“You’ve been here that long?” Gordon asked. Benrey just shrugged again. “I guess Black Mesa isn’t exactly the pinnacle of healthy human interaction…” Gordon mumbled. He seemed lost in thought for a moment, before Benrey cleared his throat. “Oh! Right! Uh…” Gordon coughed into his fist, and Benrey realized that he wasn’t wearing his prosthetic yet. He really must’ve caught Gordon right after he woke up. “I wouldn’t say that… that I love you, y’know?” Gordon said awkwardly. Benrey let out a small sound that would have had sweet voice if he didn’t feel so crushed. “Calm down, man, I’m not done. It’s totally normal to not be in love right away. I mean, I only figured out I liked you romantically a week ago. It usually takes a lot longer to fall in love. Or even realize you’re in love.” Gordon shrugged. “You’ve been right to be confused by all this stuff for so long. It’s really confusing, and it’s different for everyone too.”

“Okay…” Benrey mumbled. “So… you like me romantically?”

“Yeah. That’s why I asked you out in the first place,” Gordon replied.

“And I think I love you. Or like you. Or something,” Benrey said. Gordon nodded. “So… you wanna try it?”

“Try what?” Gordon asked, unable to hide the hope in his voice.

“Dating. Or… whatever you’d wanna call it. I mean, I’ll probably be bad at doing all the normal stuff, but-”

“When have any of us ever been normal?” Gordon asked with a grin. Benrey cackled, and Gordon only grinned wider. “Yeah… yeah, I think it’s worth a shot. And if you ever decide you don’t wanna do it anymore, I’m not gonna get pissed.” Gordon paused. “Okay, maybe a little. But not for forever, and I definitely won’t yell at you.” Benrey nodded. “Does that sound good?”

Benrey just grinned. “pog,” he said.

“Boo, we hate it,” Gordon said teasingly. “We hate your gamer slang, boo.”

“this is just noob behavior,” Benrey said. “cringe ass boyfriend. can’t believe he, uh… can’t believe he thinks that meme is still funny.”

“Did you just call me your boyfriend?” Gordon asked. Benrey’s face got colder than ever before and he only mumbled random syllables and held in sweet voice. “You did, didn’t you? You called me your boyfriend!” Benrey covered up Gordon’s words with his impression of a first grader, which only made Gordon laugh. Benrey couldn’t help smiling. Gordon’s laugh was pretty. If Benrey could teach him sweet voice, he was pretty sure it would all store itself up until he laughed. “Alright, loverboy, Josh is gonna be up any second now, so either start breakfast or get the newspaper.”

“whoa, wait, i’m allowed in the kitchen now?” Benrey asked. “fuck yeah, special boyfriend privaleges.” He was already floating into the kitchen when Gordon started yelling after him. 

Maybe Benrey didn’t have to be human to love Gordon. Maybe he could just be Benrey.


End file.
